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quote on label:
If I can let you go as trees let go . . .
Lose what I lose to keep what I can keep,
The strong root still alive under the snow,
Love will endure—if I can let you go.
—May Sarton

color: deep aqua with blue and black swirls
scent: honeydew melon
gemstone: turitella agate

This was my hardest candle to create, and the one I probably most needed at the time I created it. I'm even burning it on my altar as I write this. Many of you know I've experienced a relentless assembly line of goodbyes over the last couple years: the deaths of core people in my life and heart, each one too young to die. My tender-hearted rough and tumble father-in-law Brad, age 52. My sweet dog Ranger, age 9. My best friend Kim's heroic and amazing daughter RaeAnne, age 15. And most recently, my first love—and before my marriage, my longest and greatest love—John, age 42.

In July 2004, John committed suicide. Letting John go has been the hardest and saddest and most profound goodbye I've yet to face. I struggle with the discovery of a beloved's secret, private hell.

Judith Viorst writes: "Our losses include not only our separations and departures from those we love, but our conscious and unconscious losses of romantic dreams, impossible expectations, illusions of freedom and power, illusions of safety—and the loss of our own younger self, the self that thought it would always be unwrinkled and invulnerable and immortal." This candle is for anything, or anyone, we need to say goodbye to. Knowing we always, always, always keep the finest and purest essence of what connected us together in the first place. And it is for John, the golden star I loved since age 14, and my heart-wrenching reluctant need to say goodbye to him, this candle is dedicated to.

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