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goodbye

Item No. C1202-03

large pillar (center right) - 3"x7", burns up to 100 hours

 

size: large pillar

 

price: $22.00

 

  other sizes available:

       small pillar  |  medium pillar  |  obelisk

 

quote on label:

"If I can let you go as trees let go . . .

 Lose what I lose to keep what I can keep,

 The strong root still alive under the snow,

 Love will endure—if I can let you go."

—May Sarton

 

color: deep aqua, with blue and black swirls

scent: honeydew melon

gemstone: turitella agate

 

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About This Candle

This was my hardest candle to create, and the one I probably most needed at the time I created it. I'm even burning it on my altar as I write this. Many of you know I've experienced a relentless assembly line of goodbyes over the last couple years: the deaths of core people in my life and heart, each one too young to die. My tender-hearted rough and tumble father-in-law Brad, age 52. My sweet dog Ranger, age 9. My best friend Kim's heroic and amazing daughter RaeAnne, age 15. And most recently, my first love -- and next to my husband, my longest and greatest love -- John, age 42.

 

In July 2004, John committed suicide.

 

Judith Viorst writes: "Our losses include not only our separations and departures from those we love, but our conscious and unconscious losses of romantic dreams, impossible expectations, illusions of freedom and power, illusions of safety--and the loss of our own younger self, the self that thought it would always be unwrinkled and invulnerable and immortal." This candle is for anything, or anyone, we need to say goodbye to. Knowing we always, always, always keep the finest and purest essence of what connected us together in the first place. And it is for John, the golden star I loved since age 14, and my heart-wrenching reluctant need to say goodbye to him, this candle is dedicated to.Carla Blazek, creator, zena moon (P.S. Forgive the feathered hair, the photo is from 1979!)

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Our Recommended Books, Music & Movies for Goodbye

zena moon sells books, CDs and DVDs in association with Amazon.com. To order, click on the item's title or image, then add it to your Amazon shopping cart. Orders are then filled and shipped by Amazon. Send us your recommendations for this page--we may post them here.

 

Last updated 4/21/2005

 

Icon  Books

1.  I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye: Surviving, Coping and Healing After the Sudden Death of a Loved One

    by Brook Noel, Pamela D. Blair (Paperback - 2000)

    Avg. Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

 

    From Amazon.com: Each year about 8 million Americans suffer the death of a close family member. The list of high visibility disasters, human suffering and sudden loss is long and will continue to grow. From TWA Flight 800 to Egypt Air, from Oklahoma City to Columbine, daily we face incomprehensible loss. Outside the publicized tragedies there are many families and individuals that are suffering behind closed doors in our neighborhoods, in our own homes, in hospital waiting rooms. Now for those who face the challenges of sudden death, there is a hand to hold. Both authors lost a loved one tragically. Noel's brother was stung by a bee and died instantly at age 27. Blair's husband died of a brain aneurysm. As they struggled to rebuild they found little printed material. I Wasn't Ready to Say Goodbye is the first book to devote all its pages to the unique challenges of sudden loss, written by two women who have walked the path. They cover such difficult topics as the first few weeks, suicide, death of a child, when a body isn't found, children and grief, funerals and rituals, physical effects, homicide, depression and many others.

 

 

2.   The Lovely Bones: A Novel

    by Alice Sebold (Paperback - 2003)

    Avg. Customer Rating: 4 out of 5 stars

 

   From Amazon.com: On her way home from school on a snowy December day in 1973, 14-year-old Susie Salmon ("like the fish") is lured into a makeshift underground den in a cornfield and brutally raped and murdered, the latest victim of a serial killer--the man she knew as her neighbor, Mr. Harvey.

 

Alice Sebold's haunting and heartbreaking debut novel, The Lovely Bones, unfolds from heaven, where "life is a perpetual yesterday" and where Susie narrates and keeps watch over her grieving family and friends, as well as her brazen killer and the sad detective working on her case. As Sebold fashions it, everyone has his or her own version of heaven. Susie's resembles the athletic fields and landscape of a suburban high school: a heaven of her "simplest dreams," where "there were no teachers.... We never had to go inside except for art class.... The boys did not pinch our backsides or tell us we smelled; our textbooks were Seventeen and Glamour and Vogue."

 

The Lovely Bones works as an odd yet affecting coming-of-age story. Susie struggles to accept her death while still clinging to the lost world of the living, following her family's dramas over the years like an episode of My So-Called Afterlife. Her family disintegrates in their grief: her father becomes determined to find her killer, her mother withdraws, her little brother Buckley attempts to make sense of the new hole in his family, and her younger sister Lindsey moves through the milestone events of her teenage and young adult years with Susie riding spiritual shotgun. Random acts and missed opportunities run throughout the book--Susie recalls her sole kiss with a boy on Earth as "like an accident--a beautiful gasoline rainbow." Though sentimental at times, The Lovely Bones is a moving exploration of loss and mourning that ultimately puts its faith in the living and that is made even more powerful by a cast of convincing characters. Sebold orchestrates a big finish, and though things tend to wrap up a little too well for everyone in the end, one can only imagine (or hope) that heaven is indeed a place filled with such happy endings.
 

 

2.  Praying Our Goodbyes

    by Joyce Rupp (Paperback - 1988)

    Avg. Customer Rating: 5 out of 5 stars

 

    From Amazon.com: Letting go of what we cherish is one of the hardest things we ever have to do. And that includes letting go of jobs, homes, relationships, good health, illusions, self-importance, and even loved ones. But unless we learn to say goodbye as well as hello, we are crippled by our suffering. This tender and realistic book can be your personal guide to accepting our inevitable goodbyes even as it reminds us that when we are suffering most deeply, the seed of hope still lives within us. Discover the emotions that goodbyes awaken and turn to the 24 specific prayers designed to help you deal with nearly every imaginable kind of loss. Praying Our Goodbyes should not be kept for special occasions, however, for its poetic wisdom offers the means of enriching every day, of saying hello and goodbye to every precious moment of life.

 

 

 

Icon  Music

1.   Disintegration

   ~ The Cure (Audio CD)

    Original Release Date: 1989

    Avg. Customer Rating: 4.92 out of 5 stars

 

From Amazon.com: Disintegration is a pop album realized on an epic scale. Most of its 12 songs are long mood pieces that develop slowly around the listener. Anchored by complex drum patterns, the layered guitars, soaring bass lines, and rich keyboards blend to create a lush, evocative soundscape that captures the ear immediately; and for all its length, the album is never boring. The lyrical focus is intensely personal throughout, and, with the exception of "Love Song," the mood is overwhelmingly dark and brooding. Here are songs of remembrance that, through their deep candor, transcend the individual level to explore universal longings and fears. Robert Smith, his vocals plaintive or angry or despairing, unfolds a tapestry of loss. Broken bonds, old lies, missed opportunities, belated realizations. Anyone who has experienced the joy and sorrow--especially the sorrow--of love will find his or her deepest sentiments, noble and petty alike, echoed poetically here.

 

 

2.   It'll End in Tears

    ~ This Mortal Coil (Audio CD)

    Original Release Date: 1998

    Avg. Customer Rating: 4.28 out of 5 stars
 

A zena moon Essential CD

From Amazon.com: The debut release by this superstar-Goth outfit shined (and still does) in all its glorious misery and despair. Just how can it be so beautiful? the listener wonders. For one thing, when the project is conceptualized by 4AD Records brain-man Ivo Watts-Russell and includes artists from groundbreaking U.K. bands such as Cocteau Twins, Magazine, and Dead Can Dance, and when a chunk of the material is from musical heavyweights such as Tim Buckley (the haunting "Song to the Siren"), Alex Chilton of Big Star (the devastating "Holocaust" and the heartbreakingly lovely "Kangaroo"), and Colin Newman of Wire (the rockin' "Not Me"), you're bound to come up with something that will be remembered and revered by old-school Goths everywhere. This is lush, hypnotic, astonishingly beautiful.

 

 

3.   New Skin for the Old Ceremony

   ~ Leonard Cohen (Audio CD)

    Original Release Date: 1995

    Avg. Customer Rating: 4.8 out of 5 stars

    

From Amazon.com: Cohen is at his best telling the intimate story of two tortured people meandering through a flurry of passions: infuriating anger and desperation, tenderness and erotic pleasure, all linked to the irony of a self-realized, sometimes self-deprecating humor as in "Is This What You Wanted," "Chelsea Hotel #2" (co-starring Janis Joplin), "There is a War," and "Leaving Greensleeves." These are songs chockfull of the some of the most remarkable metaphors anywhere in music. They can be read on many many levels, and this is the kind of lyric the soul loves the best. It gets right to the complexity and contradictions of the emotions in all of us. Yep. Right up to its smelly little source. Cohen keeps this same tap flowing in other ballads as well: "Who by Fire" with is comical metaphors to the numberless ways to die, to "Lover, Lover, Lover," a tender song really, a desperate anthem to the power of love over the carnage it can leave behind.

 

Cohen is not for everyone. Some of us just simply don't have the depth or experience to know the places he has revealed. But if you allow him, Cohen takes the young lyricist or poet to a place that is a clinic for good writing, and the rest of us just to the clinic of the soul, unfettered by shallowness or the stock "literalism" of the emotions that psychologists like James Hillman say prevent us from developing our souls. Cohen in New Skin takes us into some very dark places so that we all may find a "new skin" for our souls out of the chaos of shattered and conflicting emotions in which love and intelligence brings us to new realizations.

 

 

 

Icon  Movies

1.   Truly, Madly, Deeply

     Starring: Juliet Stevenson, Alan Rickman

     (1991) ~ DVD

     Avg. Customer Rating: 4.5 out of 5 stars

    

A zena moon Essential Movie

From Amazon.com: Truly, Madly, Deeply is an intelligent, moving, and deeply funny story about love and death. Nina (Being Julia's Juliet Stevenson), a scatterbrained professional translator, has lost the love of her life, Jamie (Die Hard's Alan Rickman). As her life (and her flat) slowly falls to pieces, she's inundated by an endless stream of repair men and eligible suitors. But rather than go on with life, Nina dwells on her dead love, slumped at her piano, endlessly playing half of a Bach duet. Then, in a truly magical sequence, his cello suddenly joins her melody ... and Jamie's back from the dead.

 

At first it's bliss. (Think of the superficially similar blockbuster Ghost--only with real people instead of pretty faces Demi Moore and Patrick Swayze.) But Nina gradually realizes it's a thoroughly real Jamie who's back, complete with every annoying, argumentative fault she'd conveniently forgotten. (He might be dead, he explains, but he still attends political meetings.) Moreover, he has to hide whenever any of the living are around. And he's constantly ice-cold. And he invites his dead pals to her place at all hours. What's a living woman to do?

 

Director Anthony Minghella went on to create the melodramatic period pieces The English Patient and Cold Mountain--but in this film, he shows a far more sensitive, subtle touch. The photography is brilliant, capturing the simple beauties of suburban London. And the wonderfully acted characters, quirky and all too real, will keep you laughing--and always guessing what will happen next.

 

 

2.   Rain

    Starring: Alicia Fulford-Wierzbicki

    (2001) ~ DVD

    Avg. Customer Rating: 4.4 out of 5 stars

 

From Amazon.com: This is the first and perhaps least known of a spurt of great girl films from Down Under, highlighted by Alicia Fulford's delightful performance. The other films, of course, were Rabbit-Proof Fence (Everlyn Sampi) and Whale Rider (Keisha Castle-Hughes). This Oceanic "Girl-Trilogy" gives us a great perspective into the region's three primary ethnic groups: Europeans, Aborigines, and the Maori. The female director of Rain apparently used to make music videos, which show in the fine cinematography and soundtrack. The film often looks grainy and distorted, which helps to evoke a mood of hazy memories of a childhood summer vacation. The storyline appears to borrow heavily from Satyajit Ray's 1955 classic Hindu cinema debut, Pather Panchali. But it builds upon that base admirably with the added thematic dimensions of Janey's flowering feminine beauty and her family's unfulfilling bourgeois life, all framed beautifully with the marvelous cinematography and score.

 

 

3.   Under the Sand

    Starring: Charlotte Rampling

    (2001) ~ DVD

    Avg. Customer Rating: 5.0 out of 5 stars

 

From Amazon.com: François Ozon's Under the Sand revolves around a tender, frightening contrast not easily forgotten: the dead live on only as long as we remember them. Marie (a luminous Charlotte Rampling) and Jean (Bruno Cremer), a middle-aged couple, are on vacation. As they ready the beach house almost wordlessly, a long-standing, intense love is immediately understood. While Marie naps on the shore, Jean goes off for a swim from which he never returns. Six months later, back in her empty Paris apartment, Marie goes about her life as if Jean is still there with her, reading in bed, massaging her feet, sitting at the breakfast table. At dinner parties and lunch dates, her close friends are visibly appalled her behavior. It becomes clear that Marie's place in society is increasingly precarious with a ghost at her side: her husband's bank accounts remain frozen because no body has been identified, her lectures at the university end abruptly in silence, her untimely laughter frightens a new lover. Ozon does not manipulate the viewer with surprise endings or try to charm with gags. Instead, we are intimately drawn into Marie's refusal to let go and her awful panic as Jean begins to fade.

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